The journey to heaven takes a person on an adventure. It wanders all over the spiritual countryside but takes us, with a certain amount of application, closer and closer to a better understanding and relationship with God.
Take me, for instance. For several years I have been on a road that focused on worship and I was looking specifically at God's throne room and how the throne room reflects His glory. Now, I can see the whole throne room of God in my imagination. God is so big, though, that I can't see very much at one time. I can see His Shekinah glory on his throne, so bright I can't see through it, with a rainbow over it like an emerald, but not at the same time I can see clouds of angels flying around it, singing, "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!" If I look elsewhere, I see the four living creatures. In another place is the lampstand with the seven spirits of God. On the other side of the throne room are the twenty-four elders, praising God. There is smoke filling the throne room. But, I can't see all those things at the same time I hear the thunderings, see the lightnings, and feel the earthquakes. But,I don't dare enter. It is all too much for me. I am convinced. God is great!
But, recently, God was convicting me that I needed to focus on His love for me. Our Ladies' Bible Study is studying Blackaby's Experiencing God. In that book, in addition to two other books that He led me to (literally - as I was looking for another book in the dark in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep), Hearing God (Peter Lord) and A Hunger for God (John Piper), I heard over and over again that I cannot hear from God or get closer to Him if I am not in a love relationship with Him.
Now, I am a fix-it person. I am more than willing to hear from God what He wants to do and then go and do it. Unfortunately, that is very self-reliant rather than God-reliant. I also have been focusing for years on loving God. I know that loving God is exhibited in my loving people. But, I have not been paying attention to the other side of the relationship - God's love for me. What this leg of my journey has been revealing is that Jesus is His best way of showing how He loves me. But, even now, I can hardly accept His love for me. I can picture myself weeping at Jesus' feet. I can picture Jesus holding my hand as if I were a little child. I can picture Him touching me the way He touched lepers. But, I cannot picture His eyes. Once again, I don't dare. I envy those people in the Middle East who have had visions and dreams of Christ, so they can see His eyes. I can't imagine them and I don't dare to raise my eyes to see what they might look like. I am just seeing, me, a Christian of 40 years, that He loved me enough to die for me. It is so easy to say and so hard to understand. My head understands that He loved me enough to die for me, but my heart is just beginning to understand that this is the most important fact of my life. Not just that God is. Not that He hears our prayers. Not that He answers them. Not that He gives me power beyond what is humanly possible to become conformed to the image of Christ. But, that He loves me. That much.
Sunday, January 7, 2018
Saturday, January 6, 2018
God's Answer for Stress
We just had Ladies' Bible Study on Friday and, during prayer requests, the subject of stress and worry came up. Many of us agreed that the worst thing about worry is that we are coming up with all the things that might go wrong and, most of the time, they don't ever happen. But, we have gotten into the habit of thinking that way. And the only way out is to change our way of thinking.
The biggest way I stress out is getting to church. Getting everyone up and dressed and out of the house to be on time for church on Sunday has always been the most stressful part of my life. For others, it may be worrying about what people will think of them or what will happen to their children when they leave the house with their friends.
When I would get up on Sunday mornings, I would start praying Philippians 4:6-7 over and over the whole morning till we got to church: "Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God and the peace of God that passes all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." I would meditate on that while noodging small people and husband to the van. And I learned that, while family didn't necessarily move faster, I was at peace.
Another important word from God on worry is Romans 12:2: "But, do not be conformed to this world but be transformed through the renewing of your mind that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." It's only by renewing our minds that we can live in the knowledge of how great God is and that even the bad things that happen to us can work out for God's and our good.
The biggest way I stress out is getting to church. Getting everyone up and dressed and out of the house to be on time for church on Sunday has always been the most stressful part of my life. For others, it may be worrying about what people will think of them or what will happen to their children when they leave the house with their friends.
When I would get up on Sunday mornings, I would start praying Philippians 4:6-7 over and over the whole morning till we got to church: "Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God and the peace of God that passes all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." I would meditate on that while noodging small people and husband to the van. And I learned that, while family didn't necessarily move faster, I was at peace.
Another important word from God on worry is Romans 12:2: "But, do not be conformed to this world but be transformed through the renewing of your mind that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." It's only by renewing our minds that we can live in the knowledge of how great God is and that even the bad things that happen to us can work out for God's and our good.
Friday, April 28, 2017
Lydia - No One's Wife
Lydia is a different kind of wife. We actually don't know if she was a wife. She was a seller of purple. She may have been a strong single woman who started her business on her own, though a likely scenario is that she inherited her business from her husband when he died, or inherited it from her family, since it was so prized that the recipes for the different shades was kept in the family. She would have been very wealthy because the making of purple cloth rejected a very valuable fabric that was absolutely miserable to produce. It entailed acquiring snails called Murex from fishermen, letting them bake in the sun, then crushing them and mixing them with salt. You know how bad fish smells when it sits for three days? Imagine it sitting in the sun for days. The dyers of purple earned every penny.
Anyway, it would have been a very labor intensive job with a really great return on her money, so she was a leader in her community and had many employees. She lived in Philippi, which was the main city of Macedonia, the mainland north of the peninsula of Greece.
Lydia was a Hellenistic Jew, a descendant of Jews who had traveled to Greece and settled all over what became the Roman Empire. Culturally, they were Greek, but in religion, they were Jewish. Paul was a Hellenistic Jew, born in Asia Minor. Jewish tradition required ten adult Jewish males to sponsor a synagogue and there weren't that many in Philippi. But, there was Lydia. She and several women met to pray by the riverside every Sabbath, and it was Paul's habit, when he came to a city, to go to the synagogue first, where they were always eager to hear a visiting rabbi. He would go every Sabbath until they realized he was preaching a risen Messiah and kicked him out. Sometimes, that took two weeks and sometimes it took longer, but he always took some new believers with him. In this case, it was Lydia and her household, which would have been servants, perhaps some dependent relatives, as well as residential employees. They all believed and were baptized on the spot. Her gnerosity of spirit caused her to be -- the Bible says "beg" -- Paul and Silas and Timothy and Luke to stay at her house. She didn't know what she was getting into.
This is Paul's second missionary journey. He has had a lot of experience sharing the gospel in new towns by now. And he is a champion defender of the faith. In Philippians 3:5, Paul tells us he is a Pharisee. A Pharisee had to memorize -- memorize -- the first five books of the Old Testament -- and keep the laws in them -- or he didn't qualify. Paul had come to Jerusalem when he was young from Asia Minor (Acts 22:3) to study with Gamaliel who, according to Acts 5:34, was a Pharisee who was highly respected by all the people. This was the Gamaliel who advised the council, which comprised priests, Sadducees and Pharisees that, if what was happening among the Christians was of men, it would fizzle out, but they didn't want to be in the position of fighting against God. Paul learned to argue and persuade from the best.
Paul and his entourage were going to a prayer meeting when they ran into a slave girl who was possessed by a demon. Now, this wasn't a slavering, crazy, cursing demon, this was a spirit of divination. It gave the girl secret information, so she could make money as a fortuneteller. But, she didn't make money for herself: she was owned. She was a slave. Several men had gone in together to purchase her and were business partners in her. But, she started following Paul and Silas all around Philippi for days yelling to everyone she passed, "These men are servants of the Most High God, who proclaim to us the way of salvation." (Acts 16:1y) Now, I don't know the rationale of evil spirits, or why it would impel the slave girl to say this, but after several days of this, Paul was "greatly annoyed." (Acts 16:18) These are the kinds of phrases that confirm in me that the Bible is real. The demon was telling the truth and wasn't cursing or hurting her or doing anything objectionable otherwise, but it was annoying. So, Paul turned around and commanded it to come out of her, which did. But, her masters would have no income from her anymore, so they "dragged them into the marketplace to the authorities." (v. 19) Then they accused Paul and Silas of riling up the city and teaching illegal things. Their clothes were stripped off and they were beaten with rods and thrown in jail with their feet in the stocks.
Their wounds from the beating would have been very painful, and sitting with their feet in stocks would have added a different level to their pain. But, they prayed and sang and the other prisoners, instead of yelling at them to be quiet, it's the middle of the night, were listening to them. Paul and Silas, in finding comfort comfort in God in their pain and persecution instead of cursing their tormentors, were ministering to the other prisoners. And in the midst of all this, an earthquake shook the city! This is not a little 4.5 that rattles the doors, and it's not a 9.2 that pulls down the city. It's in the middle. It wakes everyone up, slips the doors out of their locks and breaks everyone's chains off.
The prison warden or jailer wakes up and sees that the doors are open and he believes the worst: all his prisoners are escaped.
Roman military discipline was very harsh. For any dereliction of duty, even sleeping on watch, a soldier could be executed. With this expectation, the jailer draws his sword to take his own life.
Picture this: Paul and Silas and the other prisoners are underground with no light. They have been praying and singing with only their voices and their pain as reference points. Then, an earthquake happens. An earthquake in the daytime is scary. Underground in the pitch black it must have been terrifying. Through the open doorway, they see a light. In the light, they see the jailer draw his sword and start to fall on it.
"But Paul called with a loud voice, saying, 'Do yourself no harm, for we are all here.'" (v. 28)
The jailer calls for a light and rushes into the cell and every one of the prisoners is still sitting there. He falls on his knees before Paul and Silas and asks the famous words, "What must I do to be saved?" (v. 31) By running away, Paul and Silas have saved his life. He must have known why they were there; there had been something short of a riot in the town square over these men, and beatings were deliberately made public both to entertain and deter bad behavior in the populace. He knew they were Jewish preachers talking about a new religion. "What mus I do to be saved?" And Paul and Silas shared the good news with the jailer, the servants who held the lights and all the prisoners. The jailer was so grateful not only for his life, but for salvation that, after cleaning up and and feeding Paul and Silas, he and his household were baptized and "he rejoiced, having believed in God with all his household."
The next morning, the magistrates decided that Paul and Silas have been punished enough and the slave girl's masters have probably been appeased, so they can just let Paul and Silas go.
"But, Paul said to them, 'They have beaten us openly, uncondemned Romans, and have thrown us into prison. And now do they put us out secretly? No indeed! Let them come themselves and get us out.'" (v. 37)
This is really bad news for the magistrates. You see, a very small population of the Roman Empire was actually comprised of Roman citizens. The vast majority were slaves and, after that, subject peoples. Many men joined the Roman army because, after twenty years (if you lived that long) you were made a citizen, which conferred huge rights and privileges. One of those was that you couldn't be physically punished without a trial. Certain towns throughout the empire had been blessed by being named roman cities, so that anyone born in that town was born a Roman, which Paul explains another time he is tied to be scourged. that time was in Jerusalem and when he told the Roman commander that he was born a citizen, the commander was frightened just because he tied him up; he hadn't even gotten to the beating. (Acts 22:25-29) As a side note, Paul was the perfect choice to send as a missionary. As a cultural Greek, a jew by blood, a Pharisee by training, and a Roman by birth, he had an in and understanding to preach the gospel anywhere in the Roman Empire, finally ending up preaching to Roman governors and even Nero in his imprisonment.
So, back in Philippi; the magistrates came abjectly to Paul and Silas and begged their pardons and asked them to forget all this and jst leave the city. Which they did.
But, first they go to Lydia's house.
Lydia was really a remarkable woman when you read between the lines. She was a faithful Jew, observing the Sabbath in a foreign country and leading her household to do the same. She was spiritually aware and submissive to the Lord; she didn't boss people around, even though she was the boss. Acts 16:14 says she "worshiped God. The Lord opened her heart to heed the things spoken by Paul." And she, having been converted to Jesus, was willing to put her money where he mouth was. She already had several people dependent on her, since she had come to worship at the riverside with her household, but she was willing, no, "she begged us,saying, 'If you have judged me to be faithful to the Lord, come to my house to stay!" (v. 15)
Paul wasn't in Philippi very long, but it was an eventful stay. While he was there, Lydia's guests were followed around by a loud soothsayer, they were dragged up before the magistrates, beaten, jailed and an earthquake occurred. During all this, a church started -- at Lydia's house. And she showed her faithfulness to God and her new faith, as well as her generosity of spirit and hospitality in bringing Paul back into her home after being whipped in the public square. Her sisterhood in Christ was tested, but she stood firm. And this little church, that, no doubt, would soon include the jailer and his family, was the one to whom the beautiful Book of Philippians was written from another Roman prison. All because of Lydia's generosity and faithfulness.
Anyway, it would have been a very labor intensive job with a really great return on her money, so she was a leader in her community and had many employees. She lived in Philippi, which was the main city of Macedonia, the mainland north of the peninsula of Greece.
Lydia was a Hellenistic Jew, a descendant of Jews who had traveled to Greece and settled all over what became the Roman Empire. Culturally, they were Greek, but in religion, they were Jewish. Paul was a Hellenistic Jew, born in Asia Minor. Jewish tradition required ten adult Jewish males to sponsor a synagogue and there weren't that many in Philippi. But, there was Lydia. She and several women met to pray by the riverside every Sabbath, and it was Paul's habit, when he came to a city, to go to the synagogue first, where they were always eager to hear a visiting rabbi. He would go every Sabbath until they realized he was preaching a risen Messiah and kicked him out. Sometimes, that took two weeks and sometimes it took longer, but he always took some new believers with him. In this case, it was Lydia and her household, which would have been servants, perhaps some dependent relatives, as well as residential employees. They all believed and were baptized on the spot. Her gnerosity of spirit caused her to be -- the Bible says "beg" -- Paul and Silas and Timothy and Luke to stay at her house. She didn't know what she was getting into.
This is Paul's second missionary journey. He has had a lot of experience sharing the gospel in new towns by now. And he is a champion defender of the faith. In Philippians 3:5, Paul tells us he is a Pharisee. A Pharisee had to memorize -- memorize -- the first five books of the Old Testament -- and keep the laws in them -- or he didn't qualify. Paul had come to Jerusalem when he was young from Asia Minor (Acts 22:3) to study with Gamaliel who, according to Acts 5:34, was a Pharisee who was highly respected by all the people. This was the Gamaliel who advised the council, which comprised priests, Sadducees and Pharisees that, if what was happening among the Christians was of men, it would fizzle out, but they didn't want to be in the position of fighting against God. Paul learned to argue and persuade from the best.
Paul and his entourage were going to a prayer meeting when they ran into a slave girl who was possessed by a demon. Now, this wasn't a slavering, crazy, cursing demon, this was a spirit of divination. It gave the girl secret information, so she could make money as a fortuneteller. But, she didn't make money for herself: she was owned. She was a slave. Several men had gone in together to purchase her and were business partners in her. But, she started following Paul and Silas all around Philippi for days yelling to everyone she passed, "These men are servants of the Most High God, who proclaim to us the way of salvation." (Acts 16:1y) Now, I don't know the rationale of evil spirits, or why it would impel the slave girl to say this, but after several days of this, Paul was "greatly annoyed." (Acts 16:18) These are the kinds of phrases that confirm in me that the Bible is real. The demon was telling the truth and wasn't cursing or hurting her or doing anything objectionable otherwise, but it was annoying. So, Paul turned around and commanded it to come out of her, which did. But, her masters would have no income from her anymore, so they "dragged them into the marketplace to the authorities." (v. 19) Then they accused Paul and Silas of riling up the city and teaching illegal things. Their clothes were stripped off and they were beaten with rods and thrown in jail with their feet in the stocks.
Their wounds from the beating would have been very painful, and sitting with their feet in stocks would have added a different level to their pain. But, they prayed and sang and the other prisoners, instead of yelling at them to be quiet, it's the middle of the night, were listening to them. Paul and Silas, in finding comfort comfort in God in their pain and persecution instead of cursing their tormentors, were ministering to the other prisoners. And in the midst of all this, an earthquake shook the city! This is not a little 4.5 that rattles the doors, and it's not a 9.2 that pulls down the city. It's in the middle. It wakes everyone up, slips the doors out of their locks and breaks everyone's chains off.
The prison warden or jailer wakes up and sees that the doors are open and he believes the worst: all his prisoners are escaped.
Roman military discipline was very harsh. For any dereliction of duty, even sleeping on watch, a soldier could be executed. With this expectation, the jailer draws his sword to take his own life.
Picture this: Paul and Silas and the other prisoners are underground with no light. They have been praying and singing with only their voices and their pain as reference points. Then, an earthquake happens. An earthquake in the daytime is scary. Underground in the pitch black it must have been terrifying. Through the open doorway, they see a light. In the light, they see the jailer draw his sword and start to fall on it.
"But Paul called with a loud voice, saying, 'Do yourself no harm, for we are all here.'" (v. 28)
The jailer calls for a light and rushes into the cell and every one of the prisoners is still sitting there. He falls on his knees before Paul and Silas and asks the famous words, "What must I do to be saved?" (v. 31) By running away, Paul and Silas have saved his life. He must have known why they were there; there had been something short of a riot in the town square over these men, and beatings were deliberately made public both to entertain and deter bad behavior in the populace. He knew they were Jewish preachers talking about a new religion. "What mus I do to be saved?" And Paul and Silas shared the good news with the jailer, the servants who held the lights and all the prisoners. The jailer was so grateful not only for his life, but for salvation that, after cleaning up and and feeding Paul and Silas, he and his household were baptized and "he rejoiced, having believed in God with all his household."
The next morning, the magistrates decided that Paul and Silas have been punished enough and the slave girl's masters have probably been appeased, so they can just let Paul and Silas go.
"But, Paul said to them, 'They have beaten us openly, uncondemned Romans, and have thrown us into prison. And now do they put us out secretly? No indeed! Let them come themselves and get us out.'" (v. 37)
This is really bad news for the magistrates. You see, a very small population of the Roman Empire was actually comprised of Roman citizens. The vast majority were slaves and, after that, subject peoples. Many men joined the Roman army because, after twenty years (if you lived that long) you were made a citizen, which conferred huge rights and privileges. One of those was that you couldn't be physically punished without a trial. Certain towns throughout the empire had been blessed by being named roman cities, so that anyone born in that town was born a Roman, which Paul explains another time he is tied to be scourged. that time was in Jerusalem and when he told the Roman commander that he was born a citizen, the commander was frightened just because he tied him up; he hadn't even gotten to the beating. (Acts 22:25-29) As a side note, Paul was the perfect choice to send as a missionary. As a cultural Greek, a jew by blood, a Pharisee by training, and a Roman by birth, he had an in and understanding to preach the gospel anywhere in the Roman Empire, finally ending up preaching to Roman governors and even Nero in his imprisonment.
So, back in Philippi; the magistrates came abjectly to Paul and Silas and begged their pardons and asked them to forget all this and jst leave the city. Which they did.
But, first they go to Lydia's house.
Lydia was really a remarkable woman when you read between the lines. She was a faithful Jew, observing the Sabbath in a foreign country and leading her household to do the same. She was spiritually aware and submissive to the Lord; she didn't boss people around, even though she was the boss. Acts 16:14 says she "worshiped God. The Lord opened her heart to heed the things spoken by Paul." And she, having been converted to Jesus, was willing to put her money where he mouth was. She already had several people dependent on her, since she had come to worship at the riverside with her household, but she was willing, no, "she begged us,saying, 'If you have judged me to be faithful to the Lord, come to my house to stay!" (v. 15)
Paul wasn't in Philippi very long, but it was an eventful stay. While he was there, Lydia's guests were followed around by a loud soothsayer, they were dragged up before the magistrates, beaten, jailed and an earthquake occurred. During all this, a church started -- at Lydia's house. And she showed her faithfulness to God and her new faith, as well as her generosity of spirit and hospitality in bringing Paul back into her home after being whipped in the public square. Her sisterhood in Christ was tested, but she stood firm. And this little church, that, no doubt, would soon include the jailer and his family, was the one to whom the beautiful Book of Philippians was written from another Roman prison. All because of Lydia's generosity and faithfulness.
Saturday, April 15, 2017
"David's Wives" preview
s:
David had at least 8 wives, plus concubines, but only three do we hear much about. David's wives are a reflection of where he was at the point in time he met them. When David met Michal, he would only have been 17-20 years old and, even having a relationship with, and great trust in, God, would have been about as fatuous and self-involved as most very young men of military age. It is interesting that in those very early years of his career, he never actually did anything for anybody, besides be a faithful and skilled soldier. The Bible says Jonathan's heart was knit to David's and he loved David as his own soul -- not the other way around. David paid a dowry of 200 Philistine foreskins for Michal, but we never see him do anything for her. She, on the other hand helps him to escape and remains to face her father's wrath, which was murderous, as we know. It's the last they see of each other before he is made king, almost ten years later. Why didn't he take her with him? Is it any wonder she became embittered against him?
Abigail, he met and married at the height of his manhood. He was being chased around the countryside by Saul, doing a little dance between him and the Philistines, so he was very sharp mentally because of his constant strategizing and his greatest Psalms (and he wrote 2 whole books of them) were written during this period, indicating that this was the point of his life where he felt closest to the Lord. He was at his most charismatic at this time and really the height of his military career. When he was a soldier under Saul, he was resting on his laurels as the defeater of Goliath and was handed men to lead. Now, men flocked to him from all over and he was considered valuable enough as a military leader for Philistines to hire as a mercenary and their empire was a force to be reckoned with. It was during this time that he married Abigail, described in the Bible as a woman "of good understanding."
By the time he met Bathsheba, he was resting on his reputation. "In the spring of the year, at the time when kings go out to battle," he didn't. He took a vacation while his men went to war. He was neglectful of his relationship with God, otherwise he would never think of committing adultery with the wife of one of his mighty men and then arranging for his death.
So, each of his wives reflected his character at the time he met her: Michal disappointed in her first love, Abigail, the wise, whom he met at his spiritual and physical peak and Bethsheba during his period of corruption and intrigue and who did her fair share of intriguing. . .
We can be bitter at our husbands for everything they haven't been for us. Or, we can connive and use them for our own ends. Or we can be wise and help them look to the future and trust in God, recognizing that their futures are also our futures.
Monday, April 3, 2017
Respect Goes Both Ways
I was thinking the other day about kids asking "Why?" The typical
(half-joking) answer is, "Because I said so." But "Why?" isn't a bad
question. And, "Because I said so," isn't always a bad answer.
According to Dr. James Dobson, there are three types of parenting: permissive, authoritarian and authoritative.
Permissive parents essentially say, "the child rules". Sometimes he rules simply because Mom and Dad don't want to take the trouble to set boundaries. Sometimes he rules because Mom and Dad are afraid of losing a child's affection or feeling guilty because of hardships in a child's life. A child asking "Why?" and refusing to obey without knowing why and parents always having a reasonable answer for that question (or feeling that they must have one) is a hallmark of permissive parenting.
Authoritarian parents rule by "Because I said so." "Because I said so" is the only reason they ever need for whatever they want their children to do. Once again, sometimes, this is because Mom and Dad don't want to take the trouble to communicate their reasoning to their children. Sometimes it's because they don't want to do the self-examination that any other answer would require. Sometimes, they rule by "Because I said so" in an honest desire to teach their children to submit to authority.
A child brought up by purely permissive parenting will grow up without boundaries and live in fear that there is no one bigger than they - no one guarding them from the world, which they inherently understand is a big and dangerous place. The anger that these children often exhibit is actually a defense mechanism to hide fear.
A child brought up by authoritarian parenting will also live in fear. But they will be afraid because they don't understand why they are supposed to do or not do things and will have no judgment as to how to make their own decisions. They will always look to the authoritarian parent to make those decisions for them, even as adults.
Authoritative parents answer the question "Why?" as often as they can. But sometimes, the answer is, "Because I said so." When a two-year-old has no other response to anything you tell him but, "Why?", he is probably not actually looking for the answer to his question. However, you need to know "Why" you are asking him to do whatever you are asking him to do. And ultimately, the answer to that is, "Because I said so"!
You see, God did put you in authority over your children, to give them boundaries, but also to give them encouragement and the tools they need to be wise, decision-making adults one day. So, the answer to every "Why?" starts with "Because God put me in charge and I love you and want the best for you and making the bed is a small piece of responsibility that you can take and develop discipline to become a wise, successful adult." How's that for an answer to the question, "Why?"
There are occasions when we don't have time to answer "Why?" At those times, a respectful child will accept "Because I said so." But using "Because I said so" because a parent is too tired or lazy to come up with a reason is not respectful to the child. The most successful families are run with respect required on the part of both the parents and the children.
If you are ever stuck on the fence, not knowing whether you should lean toward "Because I said so," or toward answer the question, "Why?" Dr. Dobson always recommends leaning towards being permissive. More damage is done by screwing a child into place than by trusting him and giving him space.
According to Dr. James Dobson, there are three types of parenting: permissive, authoritarian and authoritative.
Permissive parents essentially say, "the child rules". Sometimes he rules simply because Mom and Dad don't want to take the trouble to set boundaries. Sometimes he rules because Mom and Dad are afraid of losing a child's affection or feeling guilty because of hardships in a child's life. A child asking "Why?" and refusing to obey without knowing why and parents always having a reasonable answer for that question (or feeling that they must have one) is a hallmark of permissive parenting.
Authoritarian parents rule by "Because I said so." "Because I said so" is the only reason they ever need for whatever they want their children to do. Once again, sometimes, this is because Mom and Dad don't want to take the trouble to communicate their reasoning to their children. Sometimes it's because they don't want to do the self-examination that any other answer would require. Sometimes, they rule by "Because I said so" in an honest desire to teach their children to submit to authority.
A child brought up by purely permissive parenting will grow up without boundaries and live in fear that there is no one bigger than they - no one guarding them from the world, which they inherently understand is a big and dangerous place. The anger that these children often exhibit is actually a defense mechanism to hide fear.
A child brought up by authoritarian parenting will also live in fear. But they will be afraid because they don't understand why they are supposed to do or not do things and will have no judgment as to how to make their own decisions. They will always look to the authoritarian parent to make those decisions for them, even as adults.
Authoritative parents answer the question "Why?" as often as they can. But sometimes, the answer is, "Because I said so." When a two-year-old has no other response to anything you tell him but, "Why?", he is probably not actually looking for the answer to his question. However, you need to know "Why" you are asking him to do whatever you are asking him to do. And ultimately, the answer to that is, "Because I said so"!
You see, God did put you in authority over your children, to give them boundaries, but also to give them encouragement and the tools they need to be wise, decision-making adults one day. So, the answer to every "Why?" starts with "Because God put me in charge and I love you and want the best for you and making the bed is a small piece of responsibility that you can take and develop discipline to become a wise, successful adult." How's that for an answer to the question, "Why?"
There are occasions when we don't have time to answer "Why?" At those times, a respectful child will accept "Because I said so." But using "Because I said so" because a parent is too tired or lazy to come up with a reason is not respectful to the child. The most successful families are run with respect required on the part of both the parents and the children.
If you are ever stuck on the fence, not knowing whether you should lean toward "Because I said so," or toward answer the question, "Why?" Dr. Dobson always recommends leaning towards being permissive. More damage is done by screwing a child into place than by trusting him and giving him space.
Monday, March 27, 2017
Why Do We Have All This Junk?
I have been packing to move for two months. In the process, I have pitched or given away bags and boxes of stuff, found projects that needed finishing and things that needed cleaning. Why did it take moving to deal with all of the extraneous stuff around the house?
The first homeschool conference we attended in 1993, the McKim family was speaking. They used to be popular homeschool speakers who, at the time, had fourteen children and I think they had more after we heard them speak. I saw one of her daughter on Say, Yes to the Dress: Atlanta a couple of years ago, getting married for the first time at the age of 45. Mrs. McKim had a workshop on home organization that was a squooshed-down version of an entire weekend of home organization talks that left me feeling breathless and inadequate, even accounting for the fact that I was expecting my second child and she had six adult children living at home to do her massive list. it included daily chores (vacuuming), weekly chores (organizing the kitchen towel drawer) and monthly chores (cleaning the garage! Monthly!)
Now, my dear husband doesn't clean. Anything. Except himself. And emergency child cleanup. But, he is very grateful when I do clean. Well, he doesn't like my process (think angry tornado) but he likes the result and tells me so. Personally, I am more of a project person than a maintenance person. If we could afford someone to clean our house regularly, I would hire them simply because I like a clean house but don't enjoy the process of keeping it clean. I just do it because I am so overwhelmed when I let the house get away from me. Since I am the only one moving the house away from chaos, the garage has been cleaned perhaps three times since we moved in thirteen years ago. Maybe.
I have come to love Swiffer dusters. When I have a Swiffer duster in hand, I dust the top of the door frames. I dust lampshades. I dust table legs. I dust the carpet under my bed where the vacuum doesn't reach. Unfortunately, cute little statues, like Precious Moments figurines, and "vignettes" that my Romantic Country magazine advocates, don't take Swiffing well, so there are some places that just don't get dusting. A year ago, I dusted a shelf in the rec room for the first time since we moved in and my sons' naval models were so dusty that the battleships looked as though their decks were covered with tiny people.
I can declutter! It makes everybody very tense. They never know what they're going to have left after I get going. I have a guitar that has been rescued from the trash four times and hidden in various kids' closets until I find it and throw it away again. I cannot convince them that the guy at the guitar store twenty years ago told me it was a lost cause. However, decluttering falls in the project category, not maintenance.
A lady at church when we first got married had been such a terrible housekeeper that she vowed to her ladies' bible study that she was going to put together a home management program and start teaching it. If she could figure it out well enough to teach it, anyone could do it. Her system was, never have more than three items on any flat surface. It makes them much easier to dust. That sounds great. In our next house, I will follow that rule religiously. That also means, large collections should be behind glass. I have a teak storage unit inherited from my father that we call "the Beast" and it has some glass display cases. That's where the plaster models of my ten kids' feet as babies will go so they won't get dusty. Behind glass really works in the fight against dust.
I have discovered Prairie Style magazine. There have only been about 4-6 issues published, by the same people who publish Romantic Country and I have decided this is my style. It is upscale country without the romantic fru-fru. One woman said, "I don't have anything that doesn't have a use or a meaning." That was convicting! How many things do I have because I thought they were "cute" or "cool" but they don't do anything and no one I care about gave them to me. Now, I just need to get on Pinterest and find a project that can turn all the three dimensional $2 tchotchkes my kids gave me into one amazing art piece.
Thursday, March 23, 2017
Michal, the Bitter
Michal, David's wife, never bore children. Unlike the other barren wives in the Bible, Satan was not trying to prevent the birth of the Messiah, nor was God trying to point out the special nature of the woman's son. Michal sinned. She left God and grew bitter and paid the consequences.
She is one of the few women in the Bible whose story we follow over several years. After the book of Genesis, most women are seen in snapshots. But we get a very clear, sad picture of how Michal ended up a bitter, lonely old woman.
She didn't start out that way. She started out as the starry-eyed young princess in love with the handsome young hero of the battle with Goliath. And he was in love with her, too, enough that when Saul demanded 100 Philistine foreskins for a dowry (and how would get them except by killing their owners?) he and his men procured 200! And when Saul was planning to kill David, she sacrificed her relationship with her father by deceiving him and helping David to escape by night.
Now, saul was not a loving father and was not a particularly honorable man. The usual deal in these events is that you win the battle, you get the princess. David hadn't claimed the prize because he was humble and didn't think he deserved to be the king's son-in-law. Saul had to do some behind-the-scenes intriguing to talk him into going for the dowry of foreskins, which he hoped would be the end of David. but, by this time, he had already given away his oldest daughter, who should have been the prize, to someone else. That was his first cheat. Next, he wanted David to go for the foreskins in the hopes that he would be killed, not so he could fulfill his promise of reward David for defeating Goliath. That was his second cheat. He promised Jonathan, his most trusted son and confidante that he wouldn't harm David. And then, he threw a spear at Jonathan for being on David's side: third cheat. When David headed for the hills to hide from Saul, first he killed the priests who had innocently fed and armed David: fourth cheat. Then he ran around the countryside trying to kill David, repeatedly repenting and then turning around to chase him down again: fifth cheat. finally, he gave Michal away to a new husband, Palti of Galiim.
How secure would you be with a father like that? And things got worse.
After her father died, David was made king. Abner was a cousin of Saul's and his captain. After Saul's death, Abner made overtures to David to a) unite the kingdom and b) protect himself from a death sentence for having chased David around the countryside for Saul all those years. I don't know if David made this request out of the memory of the love he and Michal had had, from machismo (what's mine, is mine!) or as a request of Abner as a sign of good faith, but all he asked Abner was that he bring David Michal. But this was between fifteen and twenty years after he had left, and Michal had a new husband. Actually, he wasn't such a new husband because they had been married over fifteen years. And as Michal was taken away by Abner, Paltiel followed her, weeping. Not fighting for her, weeping.
Michal had been disappointed in her dreams. She had once shared David's vision and was willing to give up her security with her father for him. But, she was abandoned by him and treated as political chattel by her father, Abner, and David. Let's say she wept as much for Paltiel as he did for her. The Bible doesn't say that she did. Either way, she got tossed around by circumstances that she could not control.
The last scene we see her in is during the return of the Ark of the Covenant to Israel after it had been stolen by the Philistines. There was a procession -- no, more of a moveable feast -- through the streets of Jerusalem. David was "whirling and leaping" and he was dancing with all the people and they wee shouting for joy and trumpets were calling.
And Michal saw him from her window and despised him. David had put aside his kingly robes and mingled with the hoi poloi. She had forgotten why he was anointed king in her father's place: to be a king and a man after God's own heart. She didn't understand the qualities that made men flock to him in the wilderness and do crazy dangerous things to please him in battle: humility before God and his fellow man.
She could have valued those things. But, her frustration over her circumstances, her wounded pride and, most of all, her lack of connection with God, fostered bitterness in her heart. Apparently, she never overcame it because (II Sam. 6:33) "Therefore Michal the daughter of Saul had no children to the day of her death."
Can your sin be what is keeping you from receiving good things in this life? Maybe. But, John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." Do you feel your rights have been violated? Do you feel you have been cheated? Are you jealous of the good things those around you receive? Are things just not fair? Is there any specific thing you can point to in your life that has frustrated you and caused you to become bitter? God promises that confession is followed by restoration. If it really is person sin, you will be able to humbled before God and accept from Him whatever He wants to give you, because
"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning." (James 1:17)
She is one of the few women in the Bible whose story we follow over several years. After the book of Genesis, most women are seen in snapshots. But we get a very clear, sad picture of how Michal ended up a bitter, lonely old woman.
She didn't start out that way. She started out as the starry-eyed young princess in love with the handsome young hero of the battle with Goliath. And he was in love with her, too, enough that when Saul demanded 100 Philistine foreskins for a dowry (and how would get them except by killing their owners?) he and his men procured 200! And when Saul was planning to kill David, she sacrificed her relationship with her father by deceiving him and helping David to escape by night.
Now, saul was not a loving father and was not a particularly honorable man. The usual deal in these events is that you win the battle, you get the princess. David hadn't claimed the prize because he was humble and didn't think he deserved to be the king's son-in-law. Saul had to do some behind-the-scenes intriguing to talk him into going for the dowry of foreskins, which he hoped would be the end of David. but, by this time, he had already given away his oldest daughter, who should have been the prize, to someone else. That was his first cheat. Next, he wanted David to go for the foreskins in the hopes that he would be killed, not so he could fulfill his promise of reward David for defeating Goliath. That was his second cheat. He promised Jonathan, his most trusted son and confidante that he wouldn't harm David. And then, he threw a spear at Jonathan for being on David's side: third cheat. When David headed for the hills to hide from Saul, first he killed the priests who had innocently fed and armed David: fourth cheat. Then he ran around the countryside trying to kill David, repeatedly repenting and then turning around to chase him down again: fifth cheat. finally, he gave Michal away to a new husband, Palti of Galiim.
How secure would you be with a father like that? And things got worse.
After her father died, David was made king. Abner was a cousin of Saul's and his captain. After Saul's death, Abner made overtures to David to a) unite the kingdom and b) protect himself from a death sentence for having chased David around the countryside for Saul all those years. I don't know if David made this request out of the memory of the love he and Michal had had, from machismo (what's mine, is mine!) or as a request of Abner as a sign of good faith, but all he asked Abner was that he bring David Michal. But this was between fifteen and twenty years after he had left, and Michal had a new husband. Actually, he wasn't such a new husband because they had been married over fifteen years. And as Michal was taken away by Abner, Paltiel followed her, weeping. Not fighting for her, weeping.
Michal had been disappointed in her dreams. She had once shared David's vision and was willing to give up her security with her father for him. But, she was abandoned by him and treated as political chattel by her father, Abner, and David. Let's say she wept as much for Paltiel as he did for her. The Bible doesn't say that she did. Either way, she got tossed around by circumstances that she could not control.
The last scene we see her in is during the return of the Ark of the Covenant to Israel after it had been stolen by the Philistines. There was a procession -- no, more of a moveable feast -- through the streets of Jerusalem. David was "whirling and leaping" and he was dancing with all the people and they wee shouting for joy and trumpets were calling.
And Michal saw him from her window and despised him. David had put aside his kingly robes and mingled with the hoi poloi. She had forgotten why he was anointed king in her father's place: to be a king and a man after God's own heart. She didn't understand the qualities that made men flock to him in the wilderness and do crazy dangerous things to please him in battle: humility before God and his fellow man.
She could have valued those things. But, her frustration over her circumstances, her wounded pride and, most of all, her lack of connection with God, fostered bitterness in her heart. Apparently, she never overcame it because (II Sam. 6:33) "Therefore Michal the daughter of Saul had no children to the day of her death."
Can your sin be what is keeping you from receiving good things in this life? Maybe. But, John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." Do you feel your rights have been violated? Do you feel you have been cheated? Are you jealous of the good things those around you receive? Are things just not fair? Is there any specific thing you can point to in your life that has frustrated you and caused you to become bitter? God promises that confession is followed by restoration. If it really is person sin, you will be able to humbled before God and accept from Him whatever He wants to give you, because
"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning." (James 1:17)
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