My Homeschooling Life Verse

"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many." Mark 10:45

In 2001, we had just moved to Wisconsin and my husband was officially home. I was at the end of my rope. I was homeschooling four small children, had a toddler, was pregnant, was doing all the housework, and my husband sat upstairs on his computer all day. And God kept talking to me about serving my family. I was okay with it, though I felt that there wasn't much left of me, that I was about wrung out and I didn't know how I could serve any more than I was. I knew that was what God wanted to talk to me about and I knew that the upcoming ladies' retreat was going to be about servanthood, so I said, "God, I get it, and I will deal with it at the retreat. Okay?" And He was okay with it.

So, I go to the retreat, and get my little gift packet that they always give you. In it was a funny little toy. It was a seesaw or teeter totter made from a wooden spool and a popsicle stick. It had Mark 10:45 on it. It made me sad.

Why? Because I love teeter totters. They were my favorite playground toy. I felt so strong jumping up and getting a good volley going with someone on the other side. But, of course, it is impossible to play on a teeter totter alone. And my most vivid memory of playground time is of being on a teeter totter and having the other person get bored and jump off, leaving me to crash to the ground. This didn't happen once. It happened over and over again.

But, why did they give us the picture of a teeter totter as the image of servanthood? Well, the point of servanthood is that we have to die to ourselves. We cannot press on and do what we want as a good servant; we have to give up what we want for the needs of the one we are serving. I had to die.

As the retreat ended, we were to write ourselves a letter that the speaker would send to us in two months on what we had learned or resolved from the retreat. I began to cry. I sobbed, shielding my face from the people around me, who were, fortunately, not paying attention to me. My paper got all wrinkly from my tears as I told God that I didn't want to serve that much, but I knew I had to. That I knew it would be hard and that it was not an option. But, I would do it. I would do it with Him.

And that was the point of the teeter totter. I can't serve alone. I can only do it with God on the other side. But, the most wonderful comfort is that, He will never jump off. He will never leave me. He will never allow me to crash painfully to the ground. I'll do what I can and when I run out of upward momentum, He'll give the next push. After all, He knows all about servanthood. He gave up His life in serving. I will probably not actually die from serving. But, I'm sure in good company as I give up my way, my time, my temper, my impatience to serve my family. So, God and I are in this servant thing together.