"Train Up a Child -- According to His Bent"

"Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

Does this verse mean that we make our children do what we know is best for them? Or, that we try to shape them in the way that is right according to what we have discerned from the Bible so that they will never drift away from what we have taught them?

Actually, neither.

The expression "the way he should go" is a viniculture term -- grape-raising -- and it literally means "according to its bent" -- according to its inclination or the way it wants to go.

When we bought our 130 year old house, there were 75 year old grape vines in the backyard. They were growing on a split rail fence in the backyard and I felt such a responsibility for them. We can compare childrearing to grape-raising in a lot of ways. We could discuss weeding, pruning, fertilizing, and any number of other issues. But, we are going to discuss "according to his bent" -- support.

Grapes need support. Without support, the vines will grow along the ground and the fruit will rot. So it is with our children: if we don't support them, their fruit will be poor to non-existent. My grapevines need their fence. But, if I try to force them in a direction that those curly vines don't want to go, I will either restrict the flow of sap by twisting the vines or actually break the vine, allowing disease to enter and cutting off sap flow, once again, damaging the fruit production. In the same way, if I try to force my brainiac kid to play football, I might damage him both physically and emotionally.

What does that support look like?

Well, with 10 kids, we have had kids go in all kinds of directions that I never would have expected or even felt comfortable with. Take my second son, Mick. I got him going in band when he was eleven and he ended up being one of the premier tuba players in the state, playing principal tuba in the Wisconsin Youth Symphony Orchestra. For three years, we shlepped him an hour one way to Madison every week for Saturday morning rehearsals. Now, I was a musician, so I was all over that; this was my world. But, around the same time, he wanted to hunt. And, Steve and I, coming from urban Chicago, were not in a position to support him in that desire. But, we did, in two ways. His uncle came to hunt on our property and we gave him permission to take him out and to lend him a bow. When Uncle Bill went home, we let him get up before dawn and go out into the woods for months (have you any idea how long bow season is?) And, we listened to him talk endlessly about hunting and weapons and Steve went out into the woods and helped him load up his first deer and take it to get tagged and processed. I later became his processor and we paid for his tags in exchange for keeping the meat. Meanwhile, in the woods, Mick discovered God as he prayed to overcome his fear of the dark and read his waterproof Bible for hours on end. His love of weapons took him to the Internet where he discussed 2nd Amendment rights and, more to the point, the responsibilities of citizenship. Mick decided to pursue engineering instead of music, but his life choices -- where to live, what kind of job to get -- have been informed by his love of hunting. So, now, he lives in a small city close to the country where he works at a metal shop that is run by a great Christian family and is taking responsibility in every area of his life, including leading his wife, getting out of debt, and being involved in church. These things all came out of the time he spent hunting. Would I have been proud to have him exceed my accomplishments as a jobbing musician and music teacher? Sure. But, we supported him in the way he was inclined to go -- according to his bent -- and I am, instead, proud of the man he has become.