Practicing Being In Love!

 We hear people say, "I fell out of love". That is understandable. The dailiness of life and habits that used to be cute but are now annoying can really take the glow off a marriage; but is it an excuse to move out of a commitment you made for life? On the other hand, what does it mean for our emotional well-being, the effect on our children, and our witness for Christ if we are living our lives with our spouses with gritted teeth, soldierong on?

All over the Bible are references to marriage being a picture of man's relationship with God--Ephesians 5, Ezekiel 16, the books of Song of Solomon and Hosea.There is no relationship on earth more intimate, so what could better show us what our relationship with God should look like? Given that, soldiering on in marriage is not God's best for us.

If we have fallen out of love, is it possible to fall back in love? I have to confess I have never been in love with my husband except when I practiced it! Since we just passed Valentine's Day, I took a poll at our homeschool group on how the moms kept close to their husbands. Here are the results:

--Don't use the word "divorce" in the context of your marriage.

--Pursue intimacy--purposefully! That means plan for it and make sacrifices to be sure it happens.

--Thank God for your spouse in your prayers and to his face.

--Brag on his love to your kids.  Our family goes around the table at least once a week and each person gives someone credit for doing something loving. Do it more often than that, even, or at any opportunity!

--Compliment him in front of other people as well as to his face. Studies have found the effect of a compliment is multiplied by the number of people who hear it.

--Share your struggles and growth with him and invite him to share his.

--Write him a love note.

--Date.

--Smile at him.

--Be interested in him: his concerns, his work, his amusements (motorcycles, football, computers), offer to help him, ask him, "How can I pray for you?"

--Pray for him! I admit, this is my greatest challenge as a wife. I think that perhaps I feel that he's got this thing and doesn't need my prayers. Nevertheless, since marriage is our picture of man and God, we have to know that Satan will attack it--so we need to pray for our husbands and our marriages.

These are all simply ways to pay attention to your husband. There is no guarantee he will reciprocate, but that is not the point. If you pay attention and are concerned for your husband and seek him out, and you actually want to, you will find yourself falling back in love with him.   

Mom, Marriage and Valentine's Day

How do you have a romantic time on Valentine's Day when you have a crowd of kids who need to go places, you're packing to move, and your daughter's in-laws are coming for dinner?  You do something different, that's how.

Today is Friday.  Sunday is Valentine's Day, but my daughter wanted her in-laws to come to see our house before we moved out of it, so she asked if we could have a couples dinner on the day.  I love my daughter, so I said yes.  I forgot I love my husband, too.  So, after we we started planning the couples day, I thought about my dear husband.

"How about we go out on Friday night and go to the Habitat Store to look for things for the new house before dinner?"  He very nicely said yes.

So, today is Friday.  Our house is so big, we have cleaning day because I'm more of a project person than a maintenance person.  This is it.  However, I stayed in bed and finished reading a Ted Dekker book my college daughter took out of the library before she went back to school.  I told Steve to go away when he started creeping towards my side of the bed.  I finished the book, got up around 9:45, ate a bowl of cereal while the kids watched Phineas and Ferb, and gave them their marching orders.  Then, I started cleaning my bathroom.  Cleaning bathrooms are the bane of my existence.  They need so much cleaning!  And you're not usually in them for long unless you are in a hurry to get somewhere else.  But, since I spent last cleaning day packing, I had to do the bathroom.

 As I was cleaning the bathroom in my nightgown, I realized that I didn't want to smell like this when I went on my Valentine's date this evening, so I planned to clean my personal corners after I did the bathroom.  Which I did.  However, we are moving and, since I'm the mom, I am trying to use up all the dribs and drabs of cleaning materials around the house.  While cleaning my corners, I realized that I had used some kids body wash and I was going to smell like bubble gum for the rest of the day.  How romantic.  I got out of the tub, was drying myself off and found, to my horror, that my legs looked like a gorilla's.  Back in the tub.  Once going with the razor, I found that it had been even longer since I'd done my underarms and I thought I might have to take scissors to the hair in my armpits!

Does this sound familiar?

The fact is, this is life for people who are responsible for others' needs and wishes, maybe not for people who have only themselves to worry about.  We are moms.  This is our life.  And we wouldn't want it any other way, would we?  I'm down to six kids in school around our house and I already feel like there are holes in the family structure.  But, the most important person in this whole deal is the one person I have hardly mentioned in this article: my husband.

At our wedding, the pastor exhorted us to keep our marriage first.  That Steve shouldn't let work or sports or hobbies come before me and I shouldn't let kids or crafts or house or friends come before him.  And that includes sex.  Yes.  The "S" word.  It is the only thing that differentiates the marriage relationship from any other relationship.  It results in an intimacy and vulnerability and even sacrifice that no other relationship on earth provides, not even twins. As evidenced in my story today, life demands so many unromantic things of us; what do I do to counteract that?

I will do what I planned: go on a date with my husband and put on my red silk nightshirt and my black lace panties for bed.  And hope the kids go to bed early