"Life in the Trenches" is for Everybody

Being a homeschool parent isn't just about teaching reading and math; it's about life and who we are as parents and who our children are becoming. Even if you are not homeschooling, do not have kids, and are not even married, this book is about applying the Bible to every area of your life.

 My book, Life in the Trenches

The Family: A Mini Body of Christ

 I was just sick for a month. It was probably the icky-c. Suffice it to say, I was down for the count. Not eating, not working, not thinking, sleeping six hours during the day. However, I had seven people in the household and they still needed to be managed. How was I going to do it? The answer: I didn't.

The Bible says in I Corinthians 12 that the church is the body of Christ, made up of a whole bunch of parts that all need each other to function. Each part does its part to take care of parts that need it and weak parts are just as necessary as strong parts. In these past weeks, I have seen how the Christian family can be a mini body of Christ. 

In Ephesians, the Bible says we are all to submit to one another. Wives are to submit to husbands as the church submits to Christ; husbands submit to wives by loving them to the point of death as Christ did for the church; children submit to their parents by obeying their parents in the Lord.

If we parents are in the Lord, what are we teaching our children? Of course, there are the verses in Deuteronomy 6:6-9 about teaching your children about the word of God at every moment of the day. In addition, having sifted through all the verses in Proverbs, I have found that we are to teach our children to 1)respect authority, and 2)work.

Our little body of Christ submitted to each other over these past weeks. I listened when my husband told me to go lie down. He did chores he never does--laundry and cooking dinner. The kids didn't complain about their regular kitchen chores and went the extra mile. The week I couldn't lead music in church, my twelve-year-old son led with the guitar and his sister home from her internship led singing.

What really warmed me and tore me apart in humility was the kids' spiritual leading. You may have heard of icky-c brain; I got it. I couldn't think. I would wake and pray and the only thing I could say was, "Jesus!" Speaking has been exhausting. Dad was still leading prayers in the evening, but in the morning, the kids took turn reading the Bible, leading our scripture memory and everyone prayed, a change from our practice of one child praying a day. They prayed when I couldn't. I wanted to, but I couldn't and all of them praying filled up my prayer cup when I couldn't pray for myself. 

For you moms and dads out there, this is what you see after twenty-nine years of teaching your children diligently. I was fortunate to see the fruit vividly. I didn't do it all; their dad told me what he wanted and helped when he was there; grandmas and grandpas put in their oar when we needed it; but above all, we filled our family up with the Bible so they knew what God wanted from us all and what He would give us: our own little segment of the body of Christ.

How Responsible Was Eve?

 The scholars of medieval times chose to make Eve the fall guy for the Fall. But, it's not as simple as Eve's leading Adam to disobey God. The fact is, both Adam and Eve share responsibility for the Fall of the human race just as both husbands and wives are responsible for the condition of their families.

Was Eve tempted? Yes. Was she solely responsible for the Fall? No. But she was one of the "gullible women, led away by various lusts, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth," that Paul talks about in II Timothy 3:7. She was certainly gullible, she was led away from God by lust for something good to eat, she wanted to learn -- the fruit was good to make one wise -- but she wasn't able to come to the knowledge of the truth. The truth was that Satan was sort of right (which is like sort of pregnant) -- she would not die instantaneously; her soul, though, would die and eventually, so would her body.

I hate to tell you this, ladies, but we need our husbands to protect us from ourselves, sometimes. We can get enamored of fads or jump on spiritual hobbyhorses. I am not being critical of our sex; I am just quoting the Bible. II Timothy 3:7, above, talked about what can happen to unprotected women, whether or not there is a man in the house. Some people hypothesize that Adam was standing right there when Eve was being tempted. And he did nothing!

Which brings me to our next scripture in Numbers 30. Bet you never thought I'd go there!

vv. 3-5    Or if a woman makes a vow to the Lord, and binds herself by some agreement while in her father's house in her youth, and her father hears her vow and the agreement by which she has bound herself shall stand; and the Lord will release her, because her father overruled her. But if her father overrules her on the day that he hears, then none of her vows nor her agreements by which she has bound herself shall stand; and the Lord will release her, because her father overruled her.

An unmarried woman can have her vow overridden by her father on the day he hears of it. Otherwise, she is bound to keep the vow. Think of a young lady making plans with friends to go to Spring Break; her fathers can tell her she can't -- on the day he hears of it.

vv. 6-8   If indeed she takes a husband, while bound by her vows or by a rash utterance from her lips by which she bound herself, and her husband, and makes no response to her on the day that he hears, then her vows shall stand, and her agreements by which she bound herself shall stand. But if her husband overrules her on the day that he hears it, he shall make void her vow which she took and what she uttered with her lips, by which she bound herself, and the Lord will release her.

If she has been working on a vow and gets married, her new husband can insist she not fulfill the vow. Think about a young lady who had committed to working as a volunteer tutor in a bad neighborhood before she got married. Her new husband can ask her to quit after they are committed.

vv. 9-14   Also any vow of a widow or a divorced woman, by which she has bound herself, shall stand against her. If she vowed in her husband's house, or bound herself by an agreement with an oath, and her husband heard it, and made no response to her and did not overrule her, then all her vows shall stand, and every agreement by which she bound herself shall stand. But if her husband truly made them void on the day he heard them, then whatever proceeded from her lips concerning her vows or concerning the agreement binding her, it shall not stand; her husband has made them void, and the Lord will release her. Every vow and every binding oath to afflict her soul, her husband may confirm it, or her husband may make it void. Now if her husband makes no response whatever to her from day to day, then he confirms all her vows or all the agreements that bind her; he confirms them, because he made no response to her on the day that he heard them.

If a woman's husband allowed her to commit herself and she is either married, widowed or divorced, she has to fulfill that commitment.

Now look at v. 4 -- "holds his peace"
                     v. 7 -- "makes no response to her"
                     v. 11 -- "did not overrule her"
                     v. 14 -- "he confirms them, because he made no response to her."

He confirms her vow through his silence. What that means is that a passive husband leaves his wife with no protection. Now, the good thing about this is, there is a time limit -- "the day that he hears of it." If he objects, he can require her not to do it, but he is not given that right indefinitely, leaving her never sure if she was able to commit to something or not.

v. 15   But if he does make them void after he has heard them, then he shall bear her guilt.

She is not to blame for going back on her word if her husband vetoes immediately. But, beyond that day, he is the one culpable for her breaking her promise. Whether Adam were at Eve's side during the temptation or not, they did not fall until BOTH had eaten the fruit.

Genesis 3:6-7    So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings.

According to the Numbers 30 passage, if Eve had eaten and Adam had said, "No, this isn't a good idea," Mankind wouldn't have fallen. The Bible us pretty clear that temptation isn't sin; yielding to temptation is sin. So, Eve didn't sin, aside from not checking with Adam first. Adam confirmed her act by also eating the fruit, and now Adam  bears the sin of Mankind, not Eve.

But, remember, Eve was not blameless! She shouldn't have committed without consulting Adam. He could have released her from her action, but he was passive and confirmed it by his silence.

Help your husband out by not putting him in the position of having to intervene in your plans, or taking the guilt of extricating you from plans you already got embroiled in without thinking.

Sarah, the Wife

These days women seem to be given a choice: sublimate their personalities in their husbands' or go all femi-nazi and tell their husbands, "I don't care what you want -- this is what I'm doing." You'll find people who teach both attitudes out of the Bible. But, the Bible is more creative than that. Women are given tremendous responsibility within the scope of their relationships with their husbands.

Let's take Sarah. Her husband was given a tremendous vision for his future and was told by God in three different revelations that he would be the father of many nations. But, he got older and older and not one child. He began to question how God would make that happen.

Before we go any farther along that line, how many children did Abraham actually have? Most moderately educated Christians will say, "Two." But, he actually had eight! There was Ishmael, born to hagar, isaac been to Sarah and after Sarah died Abraham took another wife named Keturah and had six more sons! But Sarah was the important one. The Bible says that Abraham "gave gifts to the sons of his concubines" and sent them east, away from Isaac, who got Abraham's entire inheritance. Sarah was the wife, Hagar and keturah were concubines. Remember that.

When Abraham was up on Mt. Moriah holding the knife to sacrifice Isaac, God said to him, "Because you have not withheld your only son from me." His only son. Ishmael, at least, was already born, yet Isaac was Abraham's only son in God's sight.

When God changed Abram's name to Abraham, he also changed Sarai's name to Sarah.

When the angel of the Lord was entertained by Abraham before the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, Abraham was told that, when He returned in a year, Sarah would have a child. She received the promises just as much as Abraham did. She laughed at it, but it was given to her.

Back to the concubine thing. If God's promise to Abraham was just that he would be the father of many nations, that was completely fulfilled by Hagar and Keturah. But, God also promised to give Abraham's descendants the land of Canaan, specifically to grow a people who would be connected to the site of the temple where he would be worshiped, the very same place that Abraham planned to sacrifice Isaac! Ishmael was told that he would be a wanderer and the only one of Keturah's sons we've ever heard of again is Midian. But the nation of Israel would survive as a people in a specific locale so that the Messiah's coming would be revealed in Christ clear as crystal because of the dozens of secific prophecies concerning Him. And only Sarah, the wife, could make that happen.

Her personality was not sublimated in her husband's; God told Abraham to listen to his wife. On the other hand, when she said, "I'm going to make God's plan happen," and gave Hagar to Abraham, we have the father of the Arabs being born and all the jealousies and conflicts that have come with it through the millenia. Her role was central and she affected the outcome but it was all because of her vital role as the wife.

What kind of wife are you? Are you the over-submissive wife, who doesn't contribute appreciably to her husband's workd in life because she never has an opinion? Or are you the managing wife who is organizing her husband's life to fulfill her dream? Or are you the selfish wife who says, "Your deal is not my deal?"

Or are you the supportive wife who says, "We're in this together."

Mom, Marriage and Valentine's Day

How do you have a romantic time on Valentine's Day when you have a crowd of kids who need to go places, you're packing to move, and your daughter's in-laws are coming for dinner?  You do something different, that's how.

Today is Friday.  Sunday is Valentine's Day, but my daughter wanted her in-laws to come to see our house before we moved out of it, so she asked if we could have a couples dinner on the day.  I love my daughter, so I said yes.  I forgot I love my husband, too.  So, after we we started planning the couples day, I thought about my dear husband.

"How about we go out on Friday night and go to the Habitat Store to look for things for the new house before dinner?"  He very nicely said yes.

So, today is Friday.  Our house is so big, we have cleaning day because I'm more of a project person than a maintenance person.  This is it.  However, I stayed in bed and finished reading a Ted Dekker book my college daughter took out of the library before she went back to school.  I told Steve to go away when he started creeping towards my side of the bed.  I finished the book, got up around 9:45, ate a bowl of cereal while the kids watched Phineas and Ferb, and gave them their marching orders.  Then, I started cleaning my bathroom.  Cleaning bathrooms are the bane of my existence.  They need so much cleaning!  And you're not usually in them for long unless you are in a hurry to get somewhere else.  But, since I spent last cleaning day packing, I had to do the bathroom.

 As I was cleaning the bathroom in my nightgown, I realized that I didn't want to smell like this when I went on my Valentine's date this evening, so I planned to clean my personal corners after I did the bathroom.  Which I did.  However, we are moving and, since I'm the mom, I am trying to use up all the dribs and drabs of cleaning materials around the house.  While cleaning my corners, I realized that I had used some kids body wash and I was going to smell like bubble gum for the rest of the day.  How romantic.  I got out of the tub, was drying myself off and found, to my horror, that my legs looked like a gorilla's.  Back in the tub.  Once going with the razor, I found that it had been even longer since I'd done my underarms and I thought I might have to take scissors to the hair in my armpits!

Does this sound familiar?

The fact is, this is life for people who are responsible for others' needs and wishes, maybe not for people who have only themselves to worry about.  We are moms.  This is our life.  And we wouldn't want it any other way, would we?  I'm down to six kids in school around our house and I already feel like there are holes in the family structure.  But, the most important person in this whole deal is the one person I have hardly mentioned in this article: my husband.

At our wedding, the pastor exhorted us to keep our marriage first.  That Steve shouldn't let work or sports or hobbies come before me and I shouldn't let kids or crafts or house or friends come before him.  And that includes sex.  Yes.  The "S" word.  It is the only thing that differentiates the marriage relationship from any other relationship.  It results in an intimacy and vulnerability and even sacrifice that no other relationship on earth provides, not even twins. As evidenced in my story today, life demands so many unromantic things of us; what do I do to counteract that?

I will do what I planned: go on a date with my husband and put on my red silk nightshirt and my black lace panties for bed.  And hope the kids go to bed early