Why Do We Have All This Junk?

No answers today, just observations.

I have been packing to move for two months. In the process, I have pitched or given away bags and boxes of stuff, found projects that needed finishing and things that needed cleaning. Why did it take moving to deal with all of the extraneous stuff around the house?

The first homeschool conference we attended in 1993, the McKim family was speaking. They used to be popular homeschool speakers who, at the time, had fourteen children and I think they had more after we heard them speak. I saw one of her daughter on Say, Yes to the Dress: Atlanta a couple of years ago, getting married for the first time at the age of 45. Mrs. McKim had a workshop on home organization that was a squooshed-down version of an entire weekend of home organization talks that left me feeling breathless and inadequate, even accounting for the fact that I was expecting my second child and she had six adult children living at home to do her massive list. it included daily chores (vacuuming), weekly chores (organizing the kitchen towel drawer) and monthly chores (cleaning the garage! Monthly!)

Now, my dear husband doesn't clean. Anything. Except himself. And emergency child cleanup. But, he is very grateful when I do clean. Well, he doesn't like my process (think angry tornado) but he likes the result and tells me so. Personally, I am more of a project person than a maintenance person. If we could afford someone to clean our house regularly, I would hire them simply because I like a clean house but don't enjoy the process of keeping it clean. I just do it because I am so overwhelmed when I let the house get away from me. Since I am the only one moving the house away from chaos, the garage has been cleaned perhaps three times since we moved in thirteen years ago. Maybe.

I have come to love Swiffer dusters. When I have a Swiffer duster in hand, I dust the top of the door frames. I dust lampshades. I dust table legs. I dust the carpet under my bed where the vacuum doesn't reach. Unfortunately, cute little statues, like Precious Moments figurines, and "vignettes" that my Romantic Country magazine advocates, don't take Swiffing well, so there are some places that just don't get dusting. A year ago, I dusted a shelf in the rec room for the first time since we moved in and my sons' naval models were so dusty that the battleships looked as though their decks were covered with tiny people.

I can declutter! It makes everybody very tense. They never know what they're going to have left after I get going. I have a guitar that has been rescued from the trash four times and hidden in various kids' closets until I find it and throw it away again. I cannot convince them that the guy at the guitar store twenty years ago told me it was a lost cause. However, decluttering falls in the project category, not maintenance.

A lady at church when we first got married had been such a terrible housekeeper that she vowed to her ladies' bible study that she was going to put together a home management program and start teaching it. If she could figure it out well enough to teach it, anyone could do it. Her system was, never have more than three items on any flat surface. It makes them much easier to dust. That sounds great. In our next house, I will follow that rule religiously. That also means, large collections should be behind glass. I have a teak storage unit inherited from my father that we call "the Beast" and it has some glass display cases. That's where the plaster models of my ten kids' feet as babies will go so they won't get dusty. Behind glass really works in the fight against dust.

I have discovered Prairie Style magazine. There have only been about 4-6 issues published, by the same people who publish Romantic Country and I have decided this is my style. It is upscale country without the romantic fru-fru. One woman said, "I don't have anything that doesn't have a use or a meaning." That was convicting! How many things do I have because I thought they were "cute" or "cool" but they don't do anything and no one I care about gave them to me. Now, I just need to get on Pinterest and find a project that can turn all the three dimensional $2 tchotchkes my kids gave me into one amazing art piece.

Michal, the Bitter

Michal, David's wife, never bore children. Unlike the other barren wives in the Bible, Satan was not trying to prevent the birth of the Messiah, nor was God trying to point out the special nature of the woman's son. Michal sinned. She left God and grew bitter and paid the consequences.

She is one of the few women in the Bible whose story we follow over several years. After the book of Genesis, most women are seen in snapshots. But we get a very clear, sad picture of how Michal ended up a bitter, lonely old woman.

She didn't start out that way. She started out as the starry-eyed young princess in love with the handsome young hero of the battle with Goliath. And he was in love with her, too, enough that when Saul demanded 100 Philistine foreskins for a dowry (and how would get them except by killing their owners?) he and his men procured 200! And when Saul was planning to kill David, she sacrificed her relationship with her father by deceiving him and helping David to escape by night.

Now, saul was not a loving father and was not a particularly honorable man. The usual deal in these events is that you win the battle, you get the princess. David hadn't claimed the prize because he was humble and didn't think he deserved to be the king's son-in-law. Saul had to do some behind-the-scenes intriguing to talk him into going for the dowry of foreskins, which he hoped would be the end of David. but, by this time, he had already given away his oldest daughter, who should have been the prize, to someone else. That was his first cheat. Next, he wanted David to go for the foreskins in the hopes that he would be killed, not so he could fulfill his promise of reward David for defeating Goliath. That was his second cheat. He promised Jonathan, his most trusted son and confidante that he wouldn't harm David. And then, he threw a spear at Jonathan for being on David's side: third cheat. When David headed for the hills to hide from Saul, first he killed the priests who had innocently fed and armed David: fourth cheat. Then he ran around the countryside trying to kill David, repeatedly repenting and then turning around to chase him down again: fifth cheat. finally, he gave Michal away to a new husband, Palti of Galiim.

How secure would you be with a father like that? And things got worse.

After her father died, David was made king. Abner was a cousin of Saul's and his captain. After Saul's death, Abner made overtures to David to a) unite the kingdom and b) protect himself from a death sentence for having chased David around the countryside for Saul all those years. I don't know if David made this request out of the memory of the love he and Michal had had, from machismo (what's mine, is mine!) or as a request of Abner as a sign of good faith, but all he asked Abner was that he bring David Michal. But this was between fifteen and twenty years after he had left, and Michal had a new husband. Actually, he wasn't such a new husband because they had been married over fifteen years. And as Michal was taken away by Abner, Paltiel followed her, weeping. Not fighting for her, weeping.

Michal had been disappointed in her dreams. She had once shared David's vision and was willing to give up her security with her father for him. But, she was abandoned by him and treated as political chattel by her father, Abner, and David. Let's say she wept as much for Paltiel as he did for her. The Bible doesn't say that she did. Either way, she got tossed around by circumstances that she could not control.

The last scene we see her in is during the return of the Ark of the Covenant to Israel after it had been stolen by the Philistines. There was a procession -- no, more of a moveable feast -- through the streets of Jerusalem.  David was "whirling and leaping" and he was dancing with all the people and they wee shouting for joy and trumpets were calling.

And Michal saw him from her window and despised him. David had put aside his kingly robes and mingled with the hoi poloi. She had forgotten why he was anointed king in her father's place: to be a king and a man after God's own heart. She didn't understand the qualities that made men flock to him in the wilderness and do crazy dangerous things to please him in battle: humility before God and his fellow man.

She could have valued those things. But, her frustration over her circumstances, her wounded pride and, most of all, her lack of connection with God, fostered bitterness in her heart. Apparently, she never overcame it because (II Sam. 6:33) "Therefore Michal the daughter of Saul had no children to the day of her death."

Can your sin be what is keeping you from receiving good things in this life? Maybe. But, John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."  Do you feel your rights have been violated? Do you feel you have been cheated? Are you jealous of the good things those around you receive? Are things just not fair? Is there any specific thing you can point to in your life that has frustrated you and caused you to become bitter? God promises that confession is followed by restoration. If it really is person sin, you will be able to humbled before God and accept from Him whatever He wants to give you, because

                   "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning." (James 1:17)

How Responsible Was Eve?

 The scholars of medieval times chose to make Eve the fall guy for the Fall. But, it's not as simple as Eve's leading Adam to disobey God. The fact is, both Adam and Eve share responsibility for the Fall of the human race just as both husbands and wives are responsible for the condition of their families.

Was Eve tempted? Yes. Was she solely responsible for the Fall? No. But she was one of the "gullible women, led away by various lusts, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth," that Paul talks about in II Timothy 3:7. She was certainly gullible, she was led away from God by lust for something good to eat, she wanted to learn -- the fruit was good to make one wise -- but she wasn't able to come to the knowledge of the truth. The truth was that Satan was sort of right (which is like sort of pregnant) -- she would not die instantaneously; her soul, though, would die and eventually, so would her body.

I hate to tell you this, ladies, but we need our husbands to protect us from ourselves, sometimes. We can get enamored of fads or jump on spiritual hobbyhorses. I am not being critical of our sex; I am just quoting the Bible. II Timothy 3:7, above, talked about what can happen to unprotected women, whether or not there is a man in the house. Some people hypothesize that Adam was standing right there when Eve was being tempted. And he did nothing!

Which brings me to our next scripture in Numbers 30. Bet you never thought I'd go there!

vv. 3-5    Or if a woman makes a vow to the Lord, and binds herself by some agreement while in her father's house in her youth, and her father hears her vow and the agreement by which she has bound herself shall stand; and the Lord will release her, because her father overruled her. But if her father overrules her on the day that he hears, then none of her vows nor her agreements by which she has bound herself shall stand; and the Lord will release her, because her father overruled her.

An unmarried woman can have her vow overridden by her father on the day he hears of it. Otherwise, she is bound to keep the vow. Think of a young lady making plans with friends to go to Spring Break; her fathers can tell her she can't -- on the day he hears of it.

vv. 6-8   If indeed she takes a husband, while bound by her vows or by a rash utterance from her lips by which she bound herself, and her husband, and makes no response to her on the day that he hears, then her vows shall stand, and her agreements by which she bound herself shall stand. But if her husband overrules her on the day that he hears it, he shall make void her vow which she took and what she uttered with her lips, by which she bound herself, and the Lord will release her.

If she has been working on a vow and gets married, her new husband can insist she not fulfill the vow. Think about a young lady who had committed to working as a volunteer tutor in a bad neighborhood before she got married. Her new husband can ask her to quit after they are committed.

vv. 9-14   Also any vow of a widow or a divorced woman, by which she has bound herself, shall stand against her. If she vowed in her husband's house, or bound herself by an agreement with an oath, and her husband heard it, and made no response to her and did not overrule her, then all her vows shall stand, and every agreement by which she bound herself shall stand. But if her husband truly made them void on the day he heard them, then whatever proceeded from her lips concerning her vows or concerning the agreement binding her, it shall not stand; her husband has made them void, and the Lord will release her. Every vow and every binding oath to afflict her soul, her husband may confirm it, or her husband may make it void. Now if her husband makes no response whatever to her from day to day, then he confirms all her vows or all the agreements that bind her; he confirms them, because he made no response to her on the day that he heard them.

If a woman's husband allowed her to commit herself and she is either married, widowed or divorced, she has to fulfill that commitment.

Now look at v. 4 -- "holds his peace"
                     v. 7 -- "makes no response to her"
                     v. 11 -- "did not overrule her"
                     v. 14 -- "he confirms them, because he made no response to her."

He confirms her vow through his silence. What that means is that a passive husband leaves his wife with no protection. Now, the good thing about this is, there is a time limit -- "the day that he hears of it." If he objects, he can require her not to do it, but he is not given that right indefinitely, leaving her never sure if she was able to commit to something or not.

v. 15   But if he does make them void after he has heard them, then he shall bear her guilt.

She is not to blame for going back on her word if her husband vetoes immediately. But, beyond that day, he is the one culpable for her breaking her promise. Whether Adam were at Eve's side during the temptation or not, they did not fall until BOTH had eaten the fruit.

Genesis 3:6-7    So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings.

According to the Numbers 30 passage, if Eve had eaten and Adam had said, "No, this isn't a good idea," Mankind wouldn't have fallen. The Bible us pretty clear that temptation isn't sin; yielding to temptation is sin. So, Eve didn't sin, aside from not checking with Adam first. Adam confirmed her act by also eating the fruit, and now Adam  bears the sin of Mankind, not Eve.

But, remember, Eve was not blameless! She shouldn't have committed without consulting Adam. He could have released her from her action, but he was passive and confirmed it by his silence.

Help your husband out by not putting him in the position of having to intervene in your plans, or taking the guilt of extricating you from plans you already got embroiled in without thinking.

Sarah, the Wife

These days women seem to be given a choice: sublimate their personalities in their husbands' or go all femi-nazi and tell their husbands, "I don't care what you want -- this is what I'm doing." You'll find people who teach both attitudes out of the Bible. But, the Bible is more creative than that. Women are given tremendous responsibility within the scope of their relationships with their husbands.

Let's take Sarah. Her husband was given a tremendous vision for his future and was told by God in three different revelations that he would be the father of many nations. But, he got older and older and not one child. He began to question how God would make that happen.

Before we go any farther along that line, how many children did Abraham actually have? Most moderately educated Christians will say, "Two." But, he actually had eight! There was Ishmael, born to hagar, isaac been to Sarah and after Sarah died Abraham took another wife named Keturah and had six more sons! But Sarah was the important one. The Bible says that Abraham "gave gifts to the sons of his concubines" and sent them east, away from Isaac, who got Abraham's entire inheritance. Sarah was the wife, Hagar and keturah were concubines. Remember that.

When Abraham was up on Mt. Moriah holding the knife to sacrifice Isaac, God said to him, "Because you have not withheld your only son from me." His only son. Ishmael, at least, was already born, yet Isaac was Abraham's only son in God's sight.

When God changed Abram's name to Abraham, he also changed Sarai's name to Sarah.

When the angel of the Lord was entertained by Abraham before the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, Abraham was told that, when He returned in a year, Sarah would have a child. She received the promises just as much as Abraham did. She laughed at it, but it was given to her.

Back to the concubine thing. If God's promise to Abraham was just that he would be the father of many nations, that was completely fulfilled by Hagar and Keturah. But, God also promised to give Abraham's descendants the land of Canaan, specifically to grow a people who would be connected to the site of the temple where he would be worshiped, the very same place that Abraham planned to sacrifice Isaac! Ishmael was told that he would be a wanderer and the only one of Keturah's sons we've ever heard of again is Midian. But the nation of Israel would survive as a people in a specific locale so that the Messiah's coming would be revealed in Christ clear as crystal because of the dozens of secific prophecies concerning Him. And only Sarah, the wife, could make that happen.

Her personality was not sublimated in her husband's; God told Abraham to listen to his wife. On the other hand, when she said, "I'm going to make God's plan happen," and gave Hagar to Abraham, we have the father of the Arabs being born and all the jealousies and conflicts that have come with it through the millenia. Her role was central and she affected the outcome but it was all because of her vital role as the wife.

What kind of wife are you? Are you the over-submissive wife, who doesn't contribute appreciably to her husband's workd in life because she never has an opinion? Or are you the managing wife who is organizing her husband's life to fulfill her dream? Or are you the selfish wife who says, "Your deal is not my deal?"

Or are you the supportive wife who says, "We're in this together."

Ode to Motherhood

This is a poem that I wrote and included in Adopted and Restored. Sometimes, a poem just pulls you down to the essentials of an issue.

I love being a mother.
It is my pride,
My point in the universe.
The babies grown up to be
Men and women
Without me.
The baby given away,
The babies died a-borning
Grown up without me
Or gone ahead without me.
They have found their life in me
And gone on.
Whether before birth,
At birth,
Or in grown-up-hood,
They don't need me anymore;
And I am left behind
To wonder
What to do next.
But, they have made me
More than I have made them.
Nothing lit up death
More than baby-life.
Nothing brought me lower
Than being scolded by my children.
The paradox of utter self-absorption in pregnancy
To give birth
And then
Utter self-sacrifice in growing up babies
Throws me back,
Stunned.
Being a mother
Has made me
What I am
Without children.

Mom, Marriage and Valentine's Day

How do you have a romantic time on Valentine's Day when you have a crowd of kids who need to go places, you're packing to move, and your daughter's in-laws are coming for dinner?  You do something different, that's how.

Today is Friday.  Sunday is Valentine's Day, but my daughter wanted her in-laws to come to see our house before we moved out of it, so she asked if we could have a couples dinner on the day.  I love my daughter, so I said yes.  I forgot I love my husband, too.  So, after we we started planning the couples day, I thought about my dear husband.

"How about we go out on Friday night and go to the Habitat Store to look for things for the new house before dinner?"  He very nicely said yes.

So, today is Friday.  Our house is so big, we have cleaning day because I'm more of a project person than a maintenance person.  This is it.  However, I stayed in bed and finished reading a Ted Dekker book my college daughter took out of the library before she went back to school.  I told Steve to go away when he started creeping towards my side of the bed.  I finished the book, got up around 9:45, ate a bowl of cereal while the kids watched Phineas and Ferb, and gave them their marching orders.  Then, I started cleaning my bathroom.  Cleaning bathrooms are the bane of my existence.  They need so much cleaning!  And you're not usually in them for long unless you are in a hurry to get somewhere else.  But, since I spent last cleaning day packing, I had to do the bathroom.

 As I was cleaning the bathroom in my nightgown, I realized that I didn't want to smell like this when I went on my Valentine's date this evening, so I planned to clean my personal corners after I did the bathroom.  Which I did.  However, we are moving and, since I'm the mom, I am trying to use up all the dribs and drabs of cleaning materials around the house.  While cleaning my corners, I realized that I had used some kids body wash and I was going to smell like bubble gum for the rest of the day.  How romantic.  I got out of the tub, was drying myself off and found, to my horror, that my legs looked like a gorilla's.  Back in the tub.  Once going with the razor, I found that it had been even longer since I'd done my underarms and I thought I might have to take scissors to the hair in my armpits!

Does this sound familiar?

The fact is, this is life for people who are responsible for others' needs and wishes, maybe not for people who have only themselves to worry about.  We are moms.  This is our life.  And we wouldn't want it any other way, would we?  I'm down to six kids in school around our house and I already feel like there are holes in the family structure.  But, the most important person in this whole deal is the one person I have hardly mentioned in this article: my husband.

At our wedding, the pastor exhorted us to keep our marriage first.  That Steve shouldn't let work or sports or hobbies come before me and I shouldn't let kids or crafts or house or friends come before him.  And that includes sex.  Yes.  The "S" word.  It is the only thing that differentiates the marriage relationship from any other relationship.  It results in an intimacy and vulnerability and even sacrifice that no other relationship on earth provides, not even twins. As evidenced in my story today, life demands so many unromantic things of us; what do I do to counteract that?

I will do what I planned: go on a date with my husband and put on my red silk nightshirt and my black lace panties for bed.  And hope the kids go to bed early

My Homeschooling Life Verse

"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many." Mark 10:45

In 2001, we had just moved to Wisconsin and my husband was officially home. I was at the end of my rope. I was homeschooling four small children, had a toddler, was pregnant, was doing all the housework, and my husband sat upstairs on his computer all day. And God kept talking to me about serving my family. I was okay with it, though I felt that there wasn't much left of me, that I was about wrung out and I didn't know how I could serve any more than I was. I knew that was what God wanted to talk to me about and I knew that the upcoming ladies' retreat was going to be about servanthood, so I said, "God, I get it, and I will deal with it at the retreat. Okay?" And He was okay with it.

So, I go to the retreat, and get my little gift packet that they always give you. In it was a funny little toy. It was a seesaw or teeter totter made from a wooden spool and a popsicle stick. It had Mark 10:45 on it. It made me sad.

Why? Because I love teeter totters. They were my favorite playground toy. I felt so strong jumping up and getting a good volley going with someone on the other side. But, of course, it is impossible to play on a teeter totter alone. And my most vivid memory of playground time is of being on a teeter totter and having the other person get bored and jump off, leaving me to crash to the ground. This didn't happen once. It happened over and over again.

But, why did they give us the picture of a teeter totter as the image of servanthood? Well, the point of servanthood is that we have to die to ourselves. We cannot press on and do what we want as a good servant; we have to give up what we want for the needs of the one we are serving. I had to die.

As the retreat ended, we were to write ourselves a letter that the speaker would send to us in two months on what we had learned or resolved from the retreat. I began to cry. I sobbed, shielding my face from the people around me, who were, fortunately, not paying attention to me. My paper got all wrinkly from my tears as I told God that I didn't want to serve that much, but I knew I had to. That I knew it would be hard and that it was not an option. But, I would do it. I would do it with Him.

And that was the point of the teeter totter. I can't serve alone. I can only do it with God on the other side. But, the most wonderful comfort is that, He will never jump off. He will never leave me. He will never allow me to crash painfully to the ground. I'll do what I can and when I run out of upward momentum, He'll give the next push. After all, He knows all about servanthood. He gave up His life in serving. I will probably not actually die from serving. But, I'm sure in good company as I give up my way, my time, my temper, my impatience to serve my family. So, God and I are in this servant thing together.